


"I like how I feel around you."

by QueenC



Series: Glimpses into the universe of us [4]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Charlie's POV, Falling In Love, How it all started, M/M, Slow Burn, post s04e05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25427356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenC/pseuds/QueenC
Summary: Charlie absolutely did not mean to fall for Alex — but you can't say he doesn't know exactly how it happened. Here's how it went.
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Series: Glimpses into the universe of us [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786504
Comments: 46
Kudos: 124





	1. Crushing

**Author's Note:**

> I'M FINALLY BACK WITH THIS SERIES. Took longer than I expected, but here we are. I thought some perspective from Charlie's side was needed here at this point, considering we only heard Alex's side of the story so far. So before we move further, enjoy some refreshing thoughts from Charlie St. George on what we've seen to this point.
> 
> (You can read the first two chapters without needing to read the other installments in this series, but the last one kinda only makes sense as part of a whole. Just a heads-up.)

If you asked Charlie St. George how had his life changed over the last months to accommodate one Alex Standall into it, he would be proud to say he had a very accurate answer to provide. Relevant dates and events included — he could give you a whole chronological narrative at this point. You see, Charlie wasn't one to fool himself. He had known for a while now what his growing feelings for Alex were. 

It had started a few weeks before winter break. He and Tyler had bonded after Charlie supported his statement against Monty, and once they started having lunch together at school, Alex had eventually come along with the package. Charlie would be the first to admit he wanted to know Alex better. He had risked a lot to help this boy get off the hook, so it was only natural that he was curious, he supposed.

The first time Charlie invited them to hang out outside of school, though, Alex had this wary look on his face — and to this day, Charlie believed he had only accepted because Tyler had promptly jumped into the opportunity.

At first, he had no romantic intentions whatsoever. Mind him, he _had_ noticed Alex was beautiful, in a sad, lonely sort of way, but that was about it. Charlie thought a lot of people were beautiful, so he didn't care much about it. For his part, Alex mostly seemed clueless as to why Charlie was around — he was slowly growing more at ease with the jock's presence lately, but still it was hard for him to understand why would Charlie want to spend time with him and Tyler. And even then, there had been a softness to him that had caught Charlie's attention. It was not on the nose — one could surely not choose to describe Alex Standall as _soft_ , of all things — but you could see it underlying each one of his actions, if only you paid attention. And Charlie was paying a lot of attention. 

Alex had a way of caring so deeply, so thoroughly for the people he loved, it had amazed Charlie from the start. You wouldn't be able to tell he could feel so fiercely judging from his outer looks — before being admitted into the gang, Charlie used to think Alex gave off these distant, aloof vibes. He always had a snarky remark on his lips, but rarely a smile. It intrigued the quarterback hugely.

They'd hit The Crestmont that first day, the week before the holidays, and Alex had spent every minute he could complaining about Tyler's choice of movie. He did so with a glint on his eyes that gave him away, though. And for his part, Tyler seemed to be taking his criticism good-naturedly, patiently explaining to him why Citizen Kane was such a good choice. 

“The photography is amazing,” Tyler justified as they made their way out of the movie theater. “The way they play with perspective and angles was very innovative for the time this movie was shot. You have to give them credit.”

“Who the fuck watches movies for photography?” Alex rolled his eyes, a smirk threatening to break into his lips. “No one does that, Ty. You're like that 0.1% that shows up on polls just to make sure they look inclusive.”

“We exist, and we stand strong,” stated Tyler solemnly. 

“Charlie didn't like the movie either. Right?” Alex turned his head to look at the jock. 

And Charlie had been so immersed on their banter, so distracted trying to assess the dynamics of this friendship, that it took him a while to notice that he was now the one under the spotlight. 

“Well, that's not--” He tried, caught off guard. “I didn't say that.” 

“He totally hated it,” stated Alex confidently, shooting a winning look at Tyler. 

“No, I didn't!” Charlie scurried to reassure, not wanting Tyler to feel bad. “I quite liked it actually, it was awesome.”

“Really?” Alex lifted one eyebrow at him. “What did you like best about it?”

And to be fair, Charlie had all the rights to be annoyed right here, with Alex so obviously needling him. But from what he had seen so far — hell, from what he'd seen all night — this was Alex's peculiar way to communicate with the people he liked and cared about. So instead, Charlie smiled, but it quickly turned into a grimace once he realized he had no answer to Alex's question. 

“I think, uh-- I think I liked the social criticism a lot?” He tried hesitantly. 

“You slept through the entire movie, don't bullshit me,” Alex rolled his eyes, amused. 

“I did not!” Charlie denied, outraged. 

“You were sitting by my side, Charlie. Your head nearly fell on my shoulder,” Alex paused for effect, eyebrows arching before adding, “multiple times.”

Charlie flinched and threw an apologetic look at Tyler over Alex's head, giving up on what seemed to be a lost battle. “In my defense, I did wake up really early today. Last practice before the break.”

“You guys are the worst,” Tyler shook his head, but there was no heat in his voice. And despite the fact that Charlie and Alex were apparently the worst, Tyler still chose to hang out with them for the better part of winter break.

As the weeks passed and Charlie spent more time around Alex, a lot of things clicked into place. Underneath all his detached demeanor and defensive sarcasm, Charlie now could see his insecurities. His self-hatred. His lack of confidence. And it all made his head spin. How could Alex see himself like that?

How could he not be amazed by his very own existence? Because Alex was a survivor, and each day he roamed this world was a statement on its own. A show of strength, of perseverance. It chafed at Charlie's heart that Alex wouldn't see himself that way. So he took it upon himself the task to show Alex his way of seeing things — in every gesture, every conversation, Charlie would always make sure to let his appreciation for the older boy plain and clear. It seemed to be working so far. There were more smiles and less eye-rolls as he and Alex grew to know each other better.

Then there came this one night that Tyler couldn't hang out with them — Cyrus had recruited his help on some weird-ass project, to quote Alex's words, and so he wouldn't make it. Charlie was a little sad about this. It was the last weekend before school started again, which meant the last chance they had of having any fun while still completely oblivious to whatever responsibilities. He'd been looking forward to these last moments of freedom. 

So when his phone buzzed alight with a new text, Charlie would not deny that he was surprised by Alex's reply.

 **(07:08 PM) Alex Standall:** _so where are we going instead_

His eyes remained glued to Alex's text for a couple of minutes before his mind was able to process it. This was new. Yes, Charlie could say for sure that Alex was more comfortable around him as of late, but he still seemed skeptical as to why Liberty High's finest, quarterback extraordinaire would be willing to hang out with two fucked up weirdos all of a sudden. (And this was not Charlie's imagination talking. He had heard the words from Alex himself.)

 **(07:11 PM) Charlie St. George:** _you still wanna go just us?_

 **(07:12 PM) Alex Standall:** _didnt reckon it was forbidden_

Charlie vaguely wondered how it was that Alex managed to convey sarcasm so well through _texting_. It was a talent, he had to give him that. Charlie could practically hear his snark as he read the words. 

**(07:13 PM) Charlie St. George:** _you so funny. pick you up in 10_

And that had been it, hadn't it. This particular day.

Charlie found it a little funny, as he looked back now, that he could pinpoint precisely the moment he noticed his feelings for Alex weren't purely friendly anymore. It had been this night, the first time they hung out without anyone else involved. The first time he had Alex's attention only to himself, and it didn't take Charlie long to realize he wanted his attention like this every day, every moment he could have it. The first time they were alone — and they weren't even doing anything out of the ordinary, just grabbing milkshakes by the river's shore —, and Charlie was made aware that he quite liked the feeling of Alex's eyes on him.

And he assumed it would've been fine if it had stopped there — he could shrug it off as just being happy that Alex was finally at ease around him. But the downside of hanging out with only Alex was that there was also _only Alex_ for him to focus on. And as he gazed at the boy's long eyelashes, the dip on his right cheek as he sported a rare smile, the way his eyebrows furrowed when he was deep in thought — as Charlie noticed all these small details, he realized with some sense of recognition that it wasn't the first time he was paying such close attention to each and every one of his microexpressions. It dawned on him as he watched Alex roll his eyes — a classic — to some stupid thing he'd probably just said: Charlie had been paying attention to him for a while. Charlie had been _seeing_ him for a while. 

When he felt a shiver running down his spine as their hands touched — totally out of the blue, as both reached out to open the car door when heading home —, everything in his mind fell into place quite quickly. It wasn't that hard to guess. 

Well, shit. He was a goner all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys are still interested in this series. Thank you to every single one of you who reads it <3


	2. Pining

When school returned, it seemed everyone fell distant as a natural consequence of having less time to spend together. It wasn't different for Charlie and Alex.

Charlie was made co-captain of the football team on their return from winter break, which was something that was taking more of his time than he anticipated. He was happy and proud of himself, of course — but his responsibilities had increased as much as his free time had declined. And despite all of these changes, what Charlie missed the most was being as close to Alex as they were during winter break. But to be honest, he would be lying if he said he was pursuing extra opportunities to be around the senior. 

Because having a crush sucked. Having an unrequited, one-sided crush sucked two times more.

Lately, every second Charlie spent beside Alex only served to make him fall deeper into his feelings. And as much as he wasn't afraid of facing what he felt, it did scare him what Alex's reaction would be if he knew Charlie liked him. As far as he knew, Alex wasn't into boys. This, and this only, had prevented Charlie from taking any action. He appreciated their friendship too much to put it at risk by letting his emotions get the best of him. 

They still had a habit of having lunch together, and they shared a few classes a week, but Charlie wasn't pushing for more than this. He had been interested in people before, and he knew he was shitty at hiding it. So he figured the best course of action was to keep to himself for a while in the hopes his crush cooled off. Charlie was indeed thankful that he had a lot on his plate at the moment to keep his mind busy. He could use some distractions. It was easier not to think of kissing Alex when he wasn't with him all the time. It was easier to act like he didn't have feelings when he wasn't seeing Alex that much outside from school.

Proof enough that time seemed to be in a rush was that Valentine's dance was already at their doors. Charlie would be taking Jessica, apparently, though he wasn't exactly sure how that turn of events had come to happen. But at least someone seemed to be getting a laugh out of this, for Alex approached him in the hallways the very next day Jessica had bullied him into accompanying her to 'Love Is Love'.

“You're taking Jess to the dance?” Alex's voice had that mocking slash amused quality that was so peculiar of him. Charlie couldn't help but smile, even though he was the target of the older boy's teasing. “How did that happen?”

“You know what, I'm not sure,” Charlie admitted, a frown creasing his forehead as he recalled the stilted conversation that had brought him to this point. “But it's whatever, really. She's only doing so to make Justin jealous.”

“Of course she is,” agreed Alex, letting out an exasperated sigh. “It's shit you got caught up in the middle of this, though. I mean, did you plan to take someone before?”

Charlie had to almost literally bite his tongue to prevent himself from giving the answer he wanted to give. He smiled faintly, though it felt more like a grimace with how hard he was trying to keep the words in. “No, not really. I wasn't actually planning to go,” he lifted his eyes to Alex, realization hitting him all of a sudden. His mouth became very dry, but he found a way to force the words out. “Are you-- are you taking someone?”

Alex shook his head, doing nothing to hide his contempt. “Hell no. This stupid dance, seriously,” he rolled his eyes, and Charlie caught himself staring. Intently. “It's pointless to go to a Valentine's dance if you don't have a date, and if you do have a date, aren't there better things to be doing instead of _being at school?_ Awkwardly dancing one foot apart from each other not to piss off the chaperones? It's pathetic.” 

“Yeah, of course. You're totally right,” agreed Charlie, even though his heart was clenching a little at those words. What wouldn't he give to be pathetic at the dance with Alex instead of Jessica. 

“Guess I'll just stay home and binge-watch Netflix,” Alex eyed Charlie, a crooked smile playing on the corner of his lips. “I'd invite you and Tyler, but you're both bailing me in favor of fucking 'Love is Love'. I might have to revoke your friendship's pass after this.”

Charlie entertained the thought of growing balls and telling Jessica that no, he would not go to the dance with her, thank you very much. He was so on board with Netflix and chill, it was probably the best idea for Valentine's night — but before he could arrange in his head a strictly friendly way to say he didn't mind passing on the dance in favor of spending time with Alex instead, Alex had already changed topics on their conversation. Charlie followed him to the cafeteria, only mildly listening to his accounts of his last class. He had this faint feeling he'd missed out on an opportunity here.

But Alex did end up going to the dance, as Charlie would find out eventually. He was on a quest for some punch after Jessica's insistence when his eyes found him brooding by Zach's side on the bleachers. Charlie's heart fluttered, and he rushed to find some damn sodas so that he could go hang out with Alex for at least a bit. He was sure Jessica wouldn't mind. Honestly, Charlie believed she would be thankful to see him gone, if her flirting with Diego was anything to go by.

Except once he had delivered them their drinks, his eyes turned to find the spot Alex was previously occupying empty. Charlie roamed around for a while, trying to catch a glimpse of him, and once he was on the opposite side of the court, he saw Alex leaving to the hallways. Alongside that new guy Winston.

Charlie frowned at the sight. He didn't know they were close. But he was prevented from thinking further on the matter because Justin chose that moment to show up, and he had to keep an eye on both him and Diego to avoid any brawls from happening. God, being team captain was hard — also, straight people were so basic. Jessica's game was as old as days, and still there went two of his best teammates falling for it. Charlie wasn't sure if he was amused or annoyed by their behavior. 

He only saw Alex again when Clay showed up covered in fake blood, and that was a whole wild ride on its own. Charlie spent the week following the dance trying to make amends for his teammates and to prevent them all from being suspended. He had zero time to other things — and still, why was Alex spending so much time with that guy Winston now? When had they become close? They seemed to be all over each other all of a sudden, and Charlie was failing to comprehend how such a thing had even happened. He would have to make time for this. Just-- once this whole thing with the team blew over. Then he and Alex would have a chat.

But the repercussions seemed endless, and Charlie figured Principal Bolan was truly concerned when it was requested that he, as team captain, attended the senior camping trip in an attempt to tame the football player's intentions towards any funny business. Under any other circumstances, Charlie would be thrilled to be among the older guys. For once, he wasn't too eager. 

And as the weekend unfolded, he found he was more than right in his fears. Seriously, what were Diego and Luke even thinking? Charlie would probably go through some more headaches trying to clear their slates again. And all the time he'd been stuck in that shed, this was his background thought — that is, on the chance they would make it out of there alive when there was some _weirdo with an ax just outside_ —, at least until Zach showed up. Because then he had a lot else to think of, didn't he.

So. Alex and Winston. Charlie couldn't even say he was blindsided by the news, but it did leave a bitter taste on his mouth to know he wasn't there to notice what was really going on. But most importantly, though: _Alex was into boys?_

It took all of his efforts not to blurt out this question as soon as Zack finished telling them all about it. It wasn't their main focus, and just the fact that Alex had sent Zach on a mission to warn them about new-kid was testament enough that he wasn't yet comfortable with the subject to talk to them about it. So Charlie held his tongue not to make it a bigger deal than it was.

But boy, was it a big deal. For Charlie, at least, it was. It meant that maybe, just maybe, he could stand a chance someday, while before it wasn't even a possibility. He tried not to be too cheerful or too hopeful about it, but well, this is Charlie we're talking about. These things came like second nature to him. 

But first came his concerns for Alex's feelings. This was his biggest priority now. From what he knew of him, it would be the easiest thing for the senior to try and push everyone away, and Charlie was having none of that. On the opposite, he would be there to make sure Alex wouldn't guilt-trip himself into thinking any of this was somehow his fault. It was bad enough Charlie hadn't been around to notice what was happening under his damn nose but he would set things right now.

So that's why from the very same night he heard about Alex being heartbroken (and Charlie's own heart squeezed a little every time he replayed Zach's words in his head), he changed directions completely and started to go out of his way to be there for Alex however he needed him. Did Alex need a friend? Then Charlie could be a friend.

However, he wasn't daring enough to approach the subject directly, fearing it could be too soon for Alex to talk about Winston. On top of that, he was feeling very protective of Alex lately, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep himself from trashing new-kid if they were to talk about him — he almost did it at the camping trip, and for a moment there he feared he'd overstepped his boundaries when he pulled Alex away from Winston, but Alex didn't seem to mind it. For which Charlie was grateful. He could be awfully impulsive sometimes, even if he put a conscious effort not to be with all things Alex-related.

So it came as a surprise when Alex himself presented the opportunity one day, as they were gathering their books after finishing their Spanish study session. 

“Do you think I'm too trusting?” Alex asked, seemingly out-of-the-blue, but Charlie could tell from his face that this was something going on in his head for a while now.

Charlie rolled the question in his mind for a moment. “You are a lot of things, but I don't think _trusting_ would be my first choice to describe you,” he settled on. Alex threw him an inquisitive look, and Charlie let out a laugh. “I for one feel like I am still on the works to earn your trust.”

Alex flinched, an apologizing look surging on his face. “Sorry. That's not how it is. It's hard sometimes to get comfortable enough to share... Things. Doesn't mean I don't trust you.”

Charlie nodded, looking at Alex intently. “It's fine. Trust is earned, not given. But why do you ask?”

“I'm still playing the whole Winston thing in my head,” confessed Alex in a low voice, “and I can't help but think it was my fault to have let my guard down.”

“Hey,” said Charlie gently, touching his wrist to get his attention. When Alex's eyes were on him again, Charlie held his gaze, imprinting meaning on each word. “It was not your fault. It could never be. How were you supposed to expect someone to approach you only to dig information from you? Normal people don't do that. There's something seriously wrong with that guy.”

“And the right ones are us, who cover up evidence and frame people for things they didn't do?” Alex asked, sharp tone doing little to hide the hurt behind his eyes. 

“Don't go there, now,” warned Charlie, taking one quick look around them to assess their surroundings. “One thing does not excuse the other. Yes, we did bad things. It's not an invitation for some stupid little shit like Winston to come up and mess things further.”

Alex looked at him surprised, half forgetting his dejection for a moment. “Wow, you really don't like him, do you? I don't think I've ever seen you call anyone names like this before.”

“I feel very strongly about him, indeed,” Charlie conceded. “My point still stands. He did you wrong, not the opposite. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Alex's eyes softened, and Charlie could see in his face the moment his doubts dissipated, at least for the time being. It amazed him for a moment, the fact that he had managed to know Alex enough to the point of reading his expressions this well. Not for the first time, Charlie wished Alex could see himself through his eyes. 

“You're not, though,” said Alex abruptly. At the quarterback's puzzled expression, Alex added, “In the works to gain my trust. You have it already. Sorry if I am shit at showing it, but you do. I trust you.” 

Charlie didn't think he could avoid the big grin spreading on his face if he wanted to, so he didn't even try.

That had been the only conversation they'd had involving Winston (and man, lately it took Charlie all of his self-restraint not to kick his scrawny ass whenever he passed him by on the hallways). Alex seemed eager to put the whole thing behind him, and Charlie surely wouldn't be the one insisting on the subject. As far as he knew, the less they had to remember new-kid existed, the better. Charlie still felt personally offended that he even scored a chance with Alex, to begin with. _Honestly._ Was he aware of how lucky he was? 

It was getting harder by the day to keep his feelings to himself, though. They were growing closer again, and while Charlie was past finding ways to avoid hanging out with Alex, their proximity only served to strengthen what he felt. Charlie was pretty sure that he used to have only a crush. How had it evolved to this, how did it keep growing with every moment they spent together? How did Alex manage to be unaffected? That had been on his head for a while. 

Because every time Charlie looked at Alex now, he had this conflict inside of him. The lengths he wouldn't go to show Alex just how much he cared, if only Alex would let him. But in the other hand, Charlie still had this feeling that it was not the best time to make his intentions clear. It was too soon, Alex was still too defensive. The last thing Charlie wanted was to give him the wrong impression. He needed time to heal from his latest disappointment.

Which seemed to be going fairly well, as Charlie was pleasantly surprised to find out one unsuspicious day at school. The first week right after the camping trip had been a tough one, but since then Alex seemed to be reverting to his normal, snarky self. Just last week, they'd been studying in the library, and Charlie was coming back from the shelves when he heard Alex confiding to Tyler that he had been more hurt for being played than anything else. He did not have actual, strong feelings for Winston.

Charlie pretended he hadn't listened in when he returned to their table, but it was hard to fake nonchalance when he was shortcircuiting on the inside. _Alex didn't like new-kid. Alex was mostly just upset._ All in all, Charlie thought he'd made a good job of hiding his small meltdown, though it was possible his voice was maybe one or two octaves higher than usual due to his underlying excitement.

Tyler stared at him bemusedly for the rest of the afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you guys are still on for this series! Really, the feedback has been amazing. Thank you so much for your kind words <3


	3. Falling

Charlie couldn't stop staring. 

God bless him, he'd tried — he had consciously put an effort into counting his fries for a while as an attempt to keep his eyes from Alex's painfully lovely face — but that didn't work for long. He soon got distracted by his voice, hoarding his attention to this new band he had just discovered on Spotify, Charlie, look, and after this, there was no turning back. 

What Charlie wanted the most was to stretch his arm across the table and touch Alex's hand. Entwine their fingers. Thumb into his palm and write his fondness across his skin. He stuck to finish his fries in record time, though. Alex's mood was swinging like crazy today, and it rang all the bells that it was not the time to make a move. Not when things seemed to be looking a little more promising to him, at last.

Charlie didn't want to assume things, but lately, he was starting to believe Alex was reciprocating at least some of his feelings. He was finding it hard to keep his mind from straying back to the night they slept in each other's arms at his attic. Charlie was more than aware that for Alex it could have been just a means to keep his anxiety at bay so he could sleep, but damn it if Charlie's brain wasn't happy to provide him with a number of colorful scenarios where that could mean something else, something more, someday. Somehow. He couldn't help but feel hopeful every time he earned a smile, a touch, a sarcastic jab that, he'd learned, was Alex's particular way to show his affection.

That was why as he now sat opposite from Alex at a booth in Rosie's, Charlie was finding it so hard to keep his eyes out of him. They had just left the hospital after going to visit Zach, as they had promised to do, and when Charlie suggested they stopped to get something to eat, Alex was quick on agreeing to.

Their conversation was all over the place because on and off, Alex seemed to be fueled again on his wrath about what Zach had disclosed to them of his accident. He was currently raging again, and Charlie hated to admit — he was charmed.

“I mean, how fucking dare he,” Alex was saying, stabbing viciously at his milkshake with his striped straw. “He just left him there. And he didn't even have the decency of telling any of us. He literally just vanished entirely.” Alex huffed, impatiently brushing his hair out of his forehead. “I'll tell you this, I knew Clay was messed up, but this is a whole new level of being an asshole.”

Charlie didn't answer immediately. He was too distracted by Alex's agitation. For one, he was not used to seeing him this angry — mind him, he was aware that Alex was prone to fits of anger every now and then, but he had yet to witness one. Also, his whole body language was different. Charlie had paid enough attention to know for a fact that Alex was usually hyper-conscious of the way he moved, what with his permanent limp and his bad hand that on and off liked to surprise him on its capabilities. So it was enthralling, to say the least, to see him so loose with his gestures amidst his irritation.

“Charlie,” Alex's voice snapped him out of his haze. Charlie blinked, focusing back to the present. “Are you even listening?” Alex seemed annoyed at him now, and he quickly checked himself, scrambling to come up with an answer. 

“Yeah-- Yeah, of course, I totally am,” he reassured, sitting straighter on his seat. Alex eyed him suspiciously, so he was quick to add, “You're right, Clay messed up on this one. Least he should have done was calling for help.”

Alex seemed appeased by his answer, shoulders sagging as he deflated on his seat. “What the hell was he thinking,” he mused. “Shit could have gone so much worse. It's a miracle they're both in one piece.”

“Will you call him out on it? Clay, I mean,” Charlie asked. 

“Of course I will. I don't think I can just look at his face and not mention it next time I see him,” said Alex.

“You said quite a lot on our group chat already, I think,” pointed Charlie amused, retrieving his phone from the table to scroll through it. “I actually lost count of how many times you used the word _fuck_ and its variations. I had no idea you could be so imaginative with your swearing.”

“You underestimate my capacities, Charles,” drawled Alex, mixing what was left of his milkshake into an indistinguishable pulp. 

“I could never,” stated Charlie. His eyes locked onto Alex's hands, and he was reaching for them before he had the time to think it through. “Hey, relax. Zach is going home tomorrow, and you can diss Clay in person any time now. The worst is already past us.” 

Charlie felt Alex's movements stilt. His eyes snapped to the older boy's face — and for an awful moment, Charlie was sure that he would pull away, but his insecurities were quickly squashed when Alex not only stopped fussing with his hands but went the extra mile and reached hesitantly to trace his finger over the back of Charlie's hand.

“You're right,” he sighed, index finger drawing indistinct patterns on Charlie's skin. _Charlie couldn't stop freaking staring._ He was so gone, he felt there was a billboard above his head displaying how soft he felt inside, advertising all of the butterflies on his stomach just for this simple gesture. “Can we just-- I don't know. Go somewhere else after here? I don't wanna go home and brood, and I have the distinct feeling that this is what's about to happen if I'm left to my own devices.”

“Sure,” said Charlie, pleasantly surprised. “Where would you like to go?”

“I don't care, anywhere,” Alex shook his head. “Shit feels like it's falling apart all around us, I just want to forget about all of this for a while. You're good at making me forget.”

Charlie swallowed, nodding his head in agreement, for he didn't trust his voice enough not to crack. Alex's touch in his hand left a burning trail behind, and all Charlie could think of was leaning over the table and kissing Alex's breath away. He had been in love before, but this level of wanting was new to his standards. And to be honest, he didn't know how much more of this he could take. He wanted Alex so badly, yet it never seemed the right time to confess his feelings. There was always something getting in the way and making it hard for Charlie to pour his heart out.

“Of course,” agreed Charlie. “Yeah, sure, let's take some time to cool our heads.”

They drove around town for a while before settling on the place by the river next to Monet's. They bickered a little on whether getting coffee or not — _Charlie, we just had burgers at Rosie's, how can you still be hungry_ — but in the end, they stood side-by-side looking at the river, Alex with his hands inside his pockets watching amusedly as Charlie munched on a vanilla cookie. 

“You gotta have some good genetics going on,” said Alex, eyes fixed on Charlie in disbelief, “to eat this much and still look your best shape.”

“Well, I do play football, in case you've forgotten,” reasoned Charlie. “A lot of exercise there. You, on the other hand, are one to talk,” Charlie finished his cookie, cleaning his fingers on his jeans. He leaned against the railing and turned to look at Alex with his eyebrows raised. “I've seen you eat impressive amounts of Doritos without blinking an eye, and you got no sports to excuse for.” 

“What can I say, maybe I'm the one with amazing genetics, after all,” sighed Alex theatrically, but his eyes had a glint that belied his mirth. “Though in my defense I just passed on the dessert.”

“How can you say no to cookies? Your reasoning escapes me,” Charlie shook his head, incredulous. 

“I'm just a faithful appreciator of yours now, I guess. You can't fool me with this industrialized shit anymore,” stated Alex, a smirk lifting the corner of his lips. 

Charlie took a moment to assess his feelings, only to realize he was maybe hating their new dynamics a little bit. It was so easy to get caught up on it. He had to double-check himself all the time for he was now so comfortable around Alex his instincts were begging to take over. And the problem was his instincts were anything but friendly. On the extreme opposite, if he had any say in it, he'd be pinning Alex against that railing and covering his smug grin with his lips.

It was all Charlie could do to rein it in, and to be honest, Alex was being anything but helpful, looking that beautiful under the dusk light, his features shadowed in a flattering way, as far as Charlie could tell — but then again, at this point, he assumed he would find Alex eye-catching in any setting. He had seen him stupidly stoned just a couple of days ago, and as hazy as he was, he would bet his money Alex still looked good, even red-eyed and slow-speaking. Even so, Charlie would still want to wrap his arms around him and snuggle him senseless.

“You know, I think it's probably shitty of me to say this,” started Charlie, measuring his words as best as he could, “but I'm so glad you didn't leave with Zach after the party.” He shuffled a bit, feeling Alex's eyes on him. “I don't know how I'd be if you happened to be in that accident too.”

Alex didn't reply for a while, and Charlie fell silent, biting the inside of his cheek, afraid of Alex taking offense at this while Zach was barely out of the hospital. It was the plain truth, though. Considering that the original plan had been for Alex to go home with Zach, Charlie couldn't help but feel relieved things had gone differently and Alex ended up stranded with him instead. 

“Yeah, I'm glad too,” admitted Alex in a small voice. He took a deep breath, shrugging his shoulders as if to release some of the stress from them. “I mean, not that I wanted to let Zach go through this alone, I keep thinking how it would have turned out if I hadn't left him on his own-- and before you say anything, yes, I know it doesn't do any good to dwell on this train of thought,” he conceded, begrudgingly. “But yeah, I get what you mean. I wouldn't wanna be with him and Clay in that car. If anything, I can't take hospitals no more.”

Charlie let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding. “I'm so glad you didn't get me wrong here. I'm really sorry for Zach, and yeah, Clay was an asshole, but all in all, I'm just so thankful you were hiding somewhere else watching _It's a Wonderful Life_ and wondering if I could be Yoda. Seriously. Best Find Your Drink party plot twist.”

Alex actually laughed at this, full-on laughed, that kind that brought out his dimples. “Yeah, I hear you,” he chanced a look at Charlie, a smile still playing on his lips. “I'm glad I was with you. Not only after the party but over the whole weekend. Till this moment here actually,” he turned on his side, looking at Charlie. 

It unnerved the quarterback a bit that he couldn't read the expression on Alex's face. Charlie had thought that by now he'd paid attention enough to all of his tells that he could decipher him entirely, but it seemed that he hadn't been as thorough as he believed. Alex could still blindside him. 

“I like how I feel around you,” said Alex, expression still unfathomable to Charlie. “Honestly, I don't know where I'd be now if I hadn't you to ground me these last few days. Probably on my way to beat the shit out of Clay with my old cane or something, so thank you.” This time, Alex's eyes were fully focused on Charlie's, and they were so open and earnest all of a sudden that Charlie felt whiplash while trying to make sense of him. “For just... Being you, I guess. For being so reliable. I know I joke a lot about your age but you are the most solid person I have in my life right now. Fuck, you sure have been more solid than me,” he chuckled self-consciously, shrugging one shoulder off as he lifted his eyes back to Charlie.

And what could Charlie reply to that, really? There was just so much he wanted to say. So much he wanted to share. The words were on the tip of his tongue, and they were so hard to hold back while Alex looked at him with such soft, grateful eyes. Charlie held his gaze, taking one step closer involuntarily, wetting his lips as he weighed the pros and cons of taking his chance here and now.

“You do me more good than I think you know,” confessed Alex. “Thanks for being such an awesome friend.”

Charlie would be lying if he said he didn't feel a sting in his chest the moment the words registered. That was both everything, and also the last thing he wanted to hear from Alex. He wanted, more than anything, to be this person Alex could rely on, could trust to be by his side no matter what came next. And still. Still he wanted to go a little further than this, too. Still he wanted not to be counted only as an awesome friend.

He forced a smile to his lips, swallowing his feelings back as he braced himself to meet Alex's eyes again.

“You don't have to thank me,” said Charlie softly. “There's no other place I'd rather be right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more done, now we can move forward again! I'll be focusing on Chalex Week for the next days, so I'll probably only come back to this series once the appreciation week is over, but hopefully, it won't take me a month again to do it, lol. Anyways, thank you all so much for your support <3 give me your thoughts on this last part!


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